Diary of A Jamaican who moved to North Dakota (Joke)

by Lucille Campbell
(Englewood, NJ 07631, USA)

October 8th

We have arrived in America!!! Finally! This marks a new chapter in our lives. It's very nice here. It's a little cool, but who needs HOT weather? This is perfect ... not too hot, not too cold.

October 15th
It is getting a little cooler, but we are adjusting. We bought some sweaters today and went for a short walk.
Loving America!!! This is what life's about.

October 30th
The weather is definitely cooler now. We taped all the windows shut, so cold air cannot creep in. Outside may be cold, but it feels like Jamaica in this house.

November 11th
The news reports say snow is on the way ... we cannot wait!!! We have never seen snow and it should be pretty exciting to see it for the first time.

November 14th
Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife cooked buttered buns and we sat by the window watching soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. Could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT!!!

November 15th
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow
covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered like a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk.
Later, the city snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shovelled again.
Americans are so friendly!

November 18th
It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees.
The cold weather is not so bad we can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snow plough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish grey.

November 19th
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tires for both cars. I slipped and fell on my "batty" in the driveway. Paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

November 20th
Still cold. Sold my wife's BMW and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work.

November 21st
On my way to work,
the 4x4 skidded into the guard-rail and did considerable damage to the right fender. We had another 15 inches of white s.it last night. The vehicle is covered in salt and crud. More shovelling in store for me today.
Di damn snow-plow man do him job again. Watch me an' him!

November 22nd
Blouse and skirt ... the first heating bills just come! A how the hell it come to so much???

November 30th

A two frig...g degrees out a door! And more rahtid snow de pon de way. Not a tree or shrub ina di yawd whe no get damage.

De power off most of the night. Wi try to keep from freezing to death wid candles and kerosene heater, but the heater tip over an' nearly bun dung the r...c..t house. Mi manage to put out the flames, but end up wid second degree burns pan mi hands, bun off mi yeyebrow and yeyelash dem. Den de car slide on the white s.it (again!) on the way to the hospital and wi haffi write it off.

December 5th
Rahtid... dis snow yah nuh out fi stop??? Di ting keeps coming down! Mi affi put on all a di clothes wey mi own just fi go out to di damn mailbox. If I ever catch the bit..
wey drive di rahtid snow-plough yuh see, I gwine mek him mumma feel it.

Me really think sey 'im hide round di corner and wait 'til me finish shovel, den come down the street fast fast and cover up wi driveway again. Wicked nuh blow wow!!!

December 10th
The power still off. The toilette freeze up some and part a di roof look lik it out fi cave in.

December 15th
Eleven more bo..c..t inches a snow an' ice!!!!!!!!!! Jah know...dis nah right. I buss up the snow-plow wid di pick axe mi did have inna di shed, but the driva get weh.

December 18th
The r...c..t car won't start and mi tink mi ah go snow-blind. Mi can feel mi toe dem and mi nuh see the b....c..t sun fi weeks!!!! An' guess wha? The weatherman ah predicts more snow!!!!!!!! Good fi r... him. The wind chill is 30 degrees below zero!!

December 22nd
Me a move back to Jamaica teday 'cause dis place yah a go kill mi!!!! If me can ketch a flight, at least mi will reach just in time fi Christmas dung a yard... 'Merica a nuh fi everybody!! (lol)

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Dec 29, 2017
Diary of a Jamaican who moved to North Dakota
by: Anonymous

Great one. Love it!!Read this about 10 years ago. Still have me laughing so hard!

Dec 12, 2017
So so true and so so funny.
by: Anonymous

Hilarious, cheered me up no end with temps of about minus two here currently.

Jan 07, 2016
Met a guy who lived in Dickenson from JA
by: Anonymous

In Sangster airport (mobay) met a guy who lived in Dickenson for awhile now in TX driving oil tank truck . Didn't speak bad about his time there . I did ask him about a group of Jamaicans I had heard were working at a restaurant there, he had actually heard the same story . He looked a little and never found them either.

Still searching!!

Bill (FGO)

Oct 12, 2015
Jamaican North Dakota Joke
by: Keith

True picture of winter. I live in Western Canada where we experience -30C to -40C so -20F is not so bad for me. This diary entries had ma laughing from the beginning, truly funny and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Cool runnings brother.

Feb 12, 2013
by: Amyane

meh larf meh larf meh larf till suh! I myself am fed up of the snow!!!!

Feb 11, 2013
by: CB

I have to stop reading these jokes at work. I'm here laughing out loud and have co-worker looking at me like I'm crazy.

Aug 27, 2012
by: Ladi Di

This was so funny, I am still laughing. I live in the midwest and I know about snow. That's why I appreciate my time in Jamaica. I love the weather, the friendly people and the beautiful countryside. I have already been twice this year and look forward to going again in October. I think Jamaica is my second home!

Feb 27, 2012
Real Thing
by: Lucille

A real thing, you just got to laugh non-stop. And no matter how many times you read it, you will be laughing out loud and long.
Give Thanks for the ratings and comments.!!!
Stay warm until you go to Ja where you need to stay cold and loving the SunShine!!!

Feb 27, 2012
by: Windy Picasso

I live up NORTH an I laughed from the start of this, cuz I knew wah gonna appn, but didn't tink ya go home so soon!! "the snow turned brown" "mi affii put all ah di clothes mi own on, just to go to d**n mailbox" "wicked a blow wow!!" "so nice of him to wave"
See wey mi a deal wit? Washington State :)) see u soon Jamaica!

Jan 06, 2016
Ha ha ha
by: Anonymous

I live in North Dakota and an average day in winter for me is between -12F and -60F but at -20F we start shivering and the summers are between 99F and 70F and we start sweating at 30F so this is hilarious.

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